I see opportunity in every problem and that is how I grow up. My understanding levels are based upon the knowledge that I taught myself by series of observations and each time I look back, looking at each difficulty that I’ve faced I start loving myself. Sometimes I cry, Sometimes I self-criticism and at times I feel hard to give it up. Now I understand the value of knowledge that is being passed from the generations. Yeah that is the constructive growth. People help each other to make their short life’s sweeter. Perfection brings beauty to many things and only by practice one can be an expert in any domain. Yet there are professionals who are self-made and experts by birth like the birds which sing and dance at dawn and dusk. They are gifted souls.
I raise and fall and each time I fall I make my mind to become even stronger but there are things which I can’t control. I just need to accept them as truth and I should keep going. This understanding brought much change in my life. Yet I get punished for the things for which I hold no responsibility. Without my will or concern few things just get out of my control and I pay for that. At those times I look eagerly for the warmth, I look around for my mother. I understand how courageous my father was and how foolish I’m. This time I was at crossroads. This doesn’t look like the hurdles that I’ve faced from my childhood. I understand that nothing will work now and I just started understanding that nothing can bring peace. No matter the money I earn, no matter the fame I earn. Last time when I felt happy and looked back I’ve accepted that life is mixed up with good and bad and no one can filter. Everyone has to face and experience both. But this time, it’s getting hard for me to digest the same truth. I need guidance. I understand that my understanding on the life theory is wrong and just a useless nonsense. Now I’m looking out for more help. Looking out for HIM who can understand me better.
I started searching out for HIM who knows what I want and who knows what I deserve to own. I badly want those extended hands and I just want to lose myself in HIS love. I need one who loves me beyond who I’m and someone who don’t even bother what my past was. I want that love which does not expect anything from me. I want HIS love. I want HIM to stay back with me. I want HIS complete time, attention & care. I’m ready to do what ever if I find such person and I wonder if I could ever succeed in this search. I now look back into my good old days. My college days, my school days my childhood friends and my childhood life which I spent without knowing the value of it. When I was child I was eager to grow big and now I feel bad for that. I want to go back to those golden days. The days when I don’t know the difference between gold and sand. Those days are pretty much simple. I was happy without having anything and now I’ve everything yet I’m not comparatively happy. There should be some science in it.
Is there any universal law for making ourselves happy. Self evaluation says that happiness is not in the things but at times I bring my happiness out and sometimes I bring my unhappiness out. Yes happiness is just in my understanding. Because the same thing wont make me happy all the time and the same thing can’t make me sad all the time either. It differs with time, with the situation, with the need, with the commitments and with the understanding. So I just need to understand how to take in, how to react to each situation.
It’s hard for me to pretend to be happy regardless of the result. But again I want to be happy. I looked around. people all around. some are happy, some or not. I looked little far there are friends of our Eco-system. They seems to be happy most of the times. Because they don’t analyze any situation and keep criticizing for the past. Interestingly they are taught by no one. They are happy with themselves. Yes life is short relationship yet happiness brings beauty and meaning.
Yes. Now I regained my health. But I’m not sure how soon I gonna lose this energy. I need a bank to invest this happiness so that I’ll get double returns when I want. No matter what I want this energy to stay with me. Let me see the wise option. Logically the basis for this energy is the understanding. So I don’t want the arguments to spoil this positive energy that I’ve gained by self-evaluation.
There is one solution. The solution which is accepted world-wide. The name to that understanding and belief is GOD. But all of a sudden how to understand this. God can’t talk with me or guide me directly. How to experience HIM. I get little understanding that if happiness is with in, and god can protect that then HE must be the source of happiness. Yeah HE showers HIS love and mercy on all of us unconditionally and uninterruptedly. The problem is just with the little understanding I’ve, I try to check everything. Now I give up this behavior at HIS holy feet.
In every field there would be experts to help us. There are teachers around us whom we consider as the embodiment of that skill itself. We call them walking libraries and living examples. If I’m correct, If being happy is the goal and the reason behind every wish then there must be someone who have practiced to be happy and someone may have attained that high level. Someone who is happy regardless of everything and who can teach and gives us happiness regardless of everything. They should give it for free because they are already happy and no one can alter their happiness by actions. So, They are ready to share happiness with us if we want. We just need to go to HIM and ask for happiness. We just need to follow the path HE suggests for us. We should raise no questions. we should have belief and patience. For minute happiness we take a lot of strain so I can understand how much defined we should be to get that.
I want HIM, so HE came into my life. Now I placed my life at the holy feet of my Sadguru and its up to HIM. I’m in happy relation with HIM. HE can do whatever but I can never leave HIM. HE is my protector. HE is my guide. HE is everything for me and one day I’m sure I’ll lose myself in HIM and there would be nothing visible other than happiness all around.